7 Belly Laughs

Dog Mom Is Always Right

“We’re eating dinner soon. Don’t fill up on homework.” —Dog mom   Alex Baze (@bazecraze)

***********

The Paradox of Grown-Ups

I spend three minutes every day choosing a TV channel to leave on for my dog. Then I go to work, and people take me seriously as an adult. @damienfahey**********

The Case of The Imaginary Dogs

My niece was dragged into court by a neighbor who complained about her barking dogs. At one point, the judge asked the neighbor a question. The neighbor didn’t reply. “Sir, are you going to answer me?”

The neighbor leaped to his feet. “Are you talking to me?” he asked. “Sorry; I can’t hear a darn thing.”

The case was dismissed.    Helen Reynolds, Missoula, Montana **********

The Worst Page in The Dictionary

Just found the worst page in the entire dictionary. What I saw was disgraceful, disgusting, dishonest, and disingenuous.

@sixthformpoet ******

Mazel Tov, Mary!

Christmas is a baby shower that went totally overboard.   Andy Horowitz ***

“Dad?”

“Dad?” —Zebra looking at a piano Sam Grittner*******

Snappy Answers to Bad Résumés

Professionals at the staffing agency Robert Half International have seen a lot of peculiar résumés. Here are some favorite gaffes, followed by wisecracks from the pros:

• Education: “I have a bachelorette degree in computers.” (The pajama party starts at 7 p.m.)

• Tools: “Human brain 1.0.” (We’ll wait for the upgrade.)

• References: “My landscaper.” (A reference who will give you two green thumbs up.)

• Date of Employment: “2002–9999.” (She’s earned her gold watch!)

• Experience: “Worked successfully on a team of one.” (I assume you all got along?)

From resumania.com and Robert Half




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