Sharing a Smile

**********What An Ugly Duck…My husband was waterskiing when he fell into the river. As the boat ?circled to pick him up, he noticed a hunter sitting in a duck boat in the reeds. My husband put his hands in the air and joked, “Don’t shoot!”

The hunter responded, “Don’t quack.”  Katie O’Connell, Warrenville, IL

**********No Such Thing As A Free Yacht….A salesman talked my uncle into buying 10,000 personalized pens for his business with the promise that he would be eligible to win a 32-foot yacht. A born gambler, my uncle agreed.

Well, he won, and a few weeks after the pens arrived, his prize showed up: a 12-inch plastic yacht with 32 plastic feet glued to the bottom.            Eddie Edwards, Ripley, TN

*********Eye Candy…..On vacation my nine-year-old son, Ryan, and I were at the pool, where two attractive young women wearing thong bikinis were sunning themselves. I noticed that Ryan kept staring at them, but he would occasionally glance back at me.

When they got up to leave, Ryan watched them particularly closely. I was bracing myself for questions he might have when he turned to me and whispered, “Dad, can I take that candy bar those girls left behind?”

**********Pizza Perils….A Twitter exchange between an angry customer and an apologetic Domino’s Pizza:

Customer: Yoooo I ordered a Pizza & Came with no Toppings on it or anything, Its Just Bread

Domino’s: We’re sorry to hear about this!

Customer (minutes later): Never mind, I opened the pizza upside down :/

*********New and Improved Names for Boring Everyday Things….

• Couch = People Shelf

• Books = Manual Films

• Bracelets = Clockless Watches

• Air Horn = Spray Scream

• Bottled Water = Snowman Blood

• Feather = Bird Leaf          From sliptalk.com

*********Good English…My ESL students try so hard and are so appreciative. One student paid me the ultimate compliment when she said, “You teach English good.” Another assured me, “I will always forget you.” And a third insisted, “I thank you from the heart of my bottom.”               Ellen Israel, Alamo, CA

*****True Love Story*******

I was 24 years old when I moved to Long Beach, California, where my parents managed the Alberta Apartments. I arrived the day after Thanksgiving 1947, and while I was moving in, I ran into four girls from Montana who were also living there.

One of the girls immediately caught my eye, and I knew I had to introduce myself. Her name was Alice Conlon and she was on her way to the library to return a book.

Not wanting to let this opportunity pass me by, I fibbed and told her I’d been wanting to read the same book, and asked if I could join her. She agreed, and we stopped for a drink afterward. Before long, I knew she was the one for me!

Between the library and the bar, I’d picked up an alarm clock so I wouldn’t be late for my first day of work the next morning. It started to get late, so I set my new alarm for 30 minutes to remind me that I needed to leave the bar soon. Well, I set the alarm several more times; I just wasn’t ready to end our first date.

A year later we were married—on Thanksgiving Day. We enjoyed 56 wonderful years of marriage before the love of my life passed away in 2005. I miss her every day.

*************Enjoy the life you have created**********

 

 




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